I did end up seeing JK this morning which was a pleasant surprise although I was running out the door at the time. Darn his Irish accent melts me but we didn’t have time for anything but some hot kissing which has left me a horny mess all day. I wasn’t going to see him tonight but I think I’ll have to drop into his work about the time he finishes.
We have been talking (mainly via email although we live within 10kms of each other) about our relationship and weather we are exclusive or not.
This is a discussion that has concerned me and is probably the reason I haven’t persued any relationships in the past.
Don’t get me wrong I love JK and I can see us being together for sure BUT I love sex. And I love sex more than I love JK or even myself for that matter I suppose. I’m not sure I want to have sex with the same guy and that is it – I’m only 23 (24yo in September). And I wouldn’t lie to JK.
Any ideas guys? I’m not sure I can give up the sex as pictured below.
16 Comments
Mark
You seemed pretty happy with just Will… and then there’s the possibility of the same sort of thing – playing together.
You should give it a shot if you need to for the relationship.. nothing ventured nothing gained!
Jay
I’d assume that unless discussion and agreement takes place otherwise, any sexual relationship (a la boyfriends/girlfriends etc) is exclusive. And raising that sort of discussion probably would be hard, but maybe if you discuss your previous romps and fantasies then you can bring the conversation around to threesomes and other group sex activities and see what JK has to say.
Perhaps for the sake of the relationship you may have to (temporarily) give up being open to anyone, but it’d be much better if you can find out from JK what goes and what he’s expecting.
Dave Evans
Jay and Mark,
I think you have both hit on the idea I had but I couldn’t put it into words.
Being open with JK on how much I love sex and the act of threesome/group sex is something that I’d have to broach at some point so I might as well do it now.
I loved playing with Will (although I did play without him and he played without me) so perhaps JK and I could have an exclusive relationship where we ‘included’ others. I’m really eager to ask that question but I am soooo nervous about it as well.
Thanks for the feedback guys – I really appreciate it.
Dave
Al - Mex in NYC
Funny thing, this appeared in one of the blogs I also reads.
It seems to be the top question now a days.
My take.. I don’t know.. !
Cheers
Al
http://timothymgol.blogspot.com/2007/08/to-be-open-or-not-be-open-that-is.html#links
Posh gay
ouh……I’d like that
Mike
Good luck Dave
We play but always together, I love my Husband, but I was always taught to share my toys, and his toys are so much fun.
TomCat
yes the dilemma of the modern gay man – can the Primary relationship give you enough sexual satisfaction that you can be exclusive i.e. monogamous … or is part of being gay men that you inherently need to spread the joy with others.
I still dont know the answer to that myself but whatever it is I think it is important to be honest with him about it.
Sebastian
Guys–it’s way too early to be exclusive. Give it time and let the relationship establish itself a bit. Breathe. Explore each other and your dynamic so that you’re moving TO something, not away from something.
All in good time.
Adrian
Just relax and see where the relationship goes. 23 may be a bit young to settle down, if you don’t feel ready that should tell you soemthing. On the other hand, sex with someone you love is so much better than with strangers (and I didn’t believe that until I experienced it myself), so don’t discount it! Anyway, you have only known each other for about 15 minutes, so just enjoy getting to know each other for a while and see where it all ends up…..
Big Jay
Dave – In my experience the private relationship can be utterly awesome, but there is still the feeling that there might be other asses and cocks out there that need your attention. Plus at our ages, I am 22, I am not sure we are ready to be settled in yet. Some might be, but I am with on this, I enjoy it too much and really like to share the “wealth” so to speak. However I do feel if I ever found that right person I would be faithful for sure.
If you really like him a lot or are in love already, then monogamy might be for you.
BJ
pj..
Hey Dave,
The best thing to do is discuss it openly. You never know, you might convince him to try 3somes/group activity! Then again, he may seriously not be into it, in which case you need to make a choice.
I love your site, by the way! Speedos on a hot bod are one of my favourite things 😉
Take care,
Phil
Joe
If your thinking about it, maybe your growing up and need to try a relationship. You would be surprise what it might do for you. Nothing wrong with giving it a try!
Anonymous
i don’t believe age has anything to do with whether you are ready for a relationship. it is your maturity level, life experiences and what stage you are at in your life that determines if you are ready. the most important thing is that you both agree on the terms of your relationship….well that’s my 2 cents worth…..george
Eric
I’m about 10 years older than you and I can tell you that I thought the same thing when I was your age and younger. Sex! Sex! And more sex! I got my share and then sum too. But now things are different. For the past 5 years now I’ve been married to the best guy in the world and have only had sex with him. I can tell you that it’s just as hot and as frequent as when we first met. So go for it. You will know when it’s time to settle down with just one guy. I did and I couldn’t be happier.
Eric
Dr. Phil
At least you’re considering these things seriously, which is much more than many guys in the same position have been able to do.
One of the best gay relationships that I know of is an open one; the two men love each other dearly and passionately, but are also quite happy to go outside the relationship when “just sex” is wanted. It does not mean that one or the other is deficient in that department in the eyes of his partner, it simply acknowledges that while emotional needs might be fulfilled by one and only one person, physical needs (which are quite different) might lead one elsewhere, and there’s no hard feelings in admitting that.
At 23, I’d say you’re still rather young to be thinking of “settling down” for the long haul with someone, unless there’s absolutely no doubt in your mind that this person is your “one and only”; but that having been said, if he is not open to the possibility of your wide and diverse sexual interests, and how this might lead to other people, then perhaps he isn’t the “one and only” that you want/need most, at least right now.
Negotiation and communication is always the best way to figure these things out. If you can communicate honestly and be respectful with one another, then that’s a very good thing indeed!
Good luck with this, Dave, and looking forward to reading much more from you in the future!
Ken
As everyone else has said, this is a tough one. My own experience included a lot of playing around, and some of it was damn hot. But when I found my lifetime partner and settled into sex with him, and only with him, it just got hotter and hotter. And we are at an age where many men think you are over the hill and most of the way down the other side! But we know how to turn each other on in ways that a casual partner might only happen to catch onto by accident. Lifetime partners know all the buttons to push, and the results are almost always amazing!
But of course, you have to be ready to make that lifetime commitment, if and when. In the meantime, do by all means talk it over. A real relationship can’t be ruined by good communication, only by poor communication.